David J Ebner

I have been having some odd dreams. I would not say that they are nightmares or even dreams necessarily. They all concern my father, who passed a little over three years ago from cancer. When he appears I am awe struck. I have noticed hugging him often and wishing to be near to him. The atmosphere always takes a dramatic turn when I conclude that he is dead. One of two outcomes occurs when I realize this; the first is that I notice he isn’t talking and/or can’t speak. I feel like this is a subconscious realization that the dead have no voice, a line I was told that Eugene O’Neil used often. The second is that he disappears instantly and all that is left are his cloths sitting, not in a pile, but laid out as if they were placed on the ground. When this happens I always feel like a fool, as if I had myself put them there and had been pretending all along. My guess is that this because I kept some of my father’s clothes when he died. One item that I wear often is his suit jacket. I commonly feel out of place when I am in a tie and jacket, as if I am pretending to be an important business man. This may have something to do with the dream, or maybe I am reaching and trying to explain something that needs no other explanation then that I miss my dad.

David J. Ebner